mood: apprehenisve
listening to:m5 again

ermm.. well this blog wasnt dead until cassie liz and i wrote smth here.

well i'm gg to say smth that might gg to offend ppl. we ARENT a clique for very simple reasons. we have cliques within cliques.. get it? here's a pair.. mich and jia. a trio sze alicia and cassie. and another and another.. there you go..

i say we're a group of ppl that we assume we cld fall back on when we're out of friends. i admit!!! i dont think that you guys are the BESt of friends but good friends. there are so many flaws we find in each other. i have many of them but we dont have the ability to actually over look them. i say i'm hot-tempered and nasty and demanding. well i can be. but i'm funny right. yeah? so there. i bet you're in a dilema. sharon's temper is a very big problem to deal with in my friendship with her and i think i shldnt be so nice just in case she hurts me in a quarrel. no wait (btw i'm just using myself as a bloody example) we don't say like perhaps she's not so baad. i can say a thousand and one things and do a thousand and one things which can make you ppl (i mean in general) laugh or whichever. but if i blow my top over anything every shushes.. oh dear.. and i get the feeling i've lost all my friends. i don't know that's how i feel.

i don'tknow but there are definite diplomats here. and some better still, you dont say anything bcos you think its wise to just shut up but actually you go ard thinking abt the issue and share it with the closest friend in the clique.. well call that gossip or some shit but honestly we've gotta be more open. its come to a point where we don't want to say anything and avoid the issue with all your life incase the issue is further blown up. like krakatoa. but have you ever wondered, you avoid and don't settle it bring a final closure to the issue the entire is STAGNANT!!!! when things get stagnant they get smelly.. uh-huh agree? and its not only one puddle of water and there are many.. i dont know the stuff that goes between you guys but i think its like that.

you know i'm getting bored of just seeing louie. mich and sam every reccess.. where are you guys.. you ppl need food too!!!!!!! do you understand!!!!!! food!!!! you dont have to be drastic man.. anyway, there are many issues to be settled in this grp vcos no one ever dares addresses it again fearing the worst. but that's how couples make it thru marriage. they confront quarrel tear each other up but thru all these you learn the different facades (well if its appropiate) of ppl and learn to love each other for who they are really. i can't say for myself whether i can do what i've mentioned above but i do know that's the problem that will never be solved unless we do smth abt it. can't be an individual thing. it has to comefrom everyone. no matter what the tension or anything if we really want to make it as a grp of friends we really can rely on then work at it. dont just sit there!!

tell you smth, from the incident of my mum's passing none of you have actually ever asked me how i am doing whether i'm ok. all of you decided not the touch the subject bcos its not like you guys have the time to listen to me cry my guts out. but the most pleasant surprise was that DORCAS asked how was i once when we were alone for lunch. i think that kind of friend really counts but my friends chose to evade. i don't know how to tell you guys better but this is just like telling you how i feel. very factually and objectively. perhaps you guys care in different ways i appreciate that.. i wrote an e-mail abt my mum on her birthday and like not many i mean not many ppl actually said anything abt it. ask me if i'm disappointed in the way the situation was handled-- yes. i don't blame you guys but my care and support came from ppl i wasnt so close to. right. before i start another war. i'm off..